Gone are the Days of My Sanity
by firerwolf
Summary: 42 characters from assorted animes and mangas have been kidnapped, by nut cases. They are forced onto an island where they will be forced to play a distorted version of Battle Royal. Don't miss it. Rated T for later chapters
1. Welcome to the game

A/N:Alright, So I am Risu and this is my first fic ever put up in this sight. I wecomd you to a world wear nothign makes since, to you.

Summary:42 characters from assorted animes and mangas have been kidnapped, by crazy people. They are forced onto and island wear they willbe forced to play a distorted version of Battle Royal. Don't miss it.

Gone are the days of my sanity.

Chapter 1

A very giddy Ryouko burst through the doors of the main Australian base of the coalition."I brought the vodka and lemonade."She announced, holding up the bottle of lemonade and industrial sized bottle of vodka. "Lets start the world domination."

"No world domination today Ryouko. We are on a caffeine high, have read to much Battle Royal, and have a great idea." Risu said then chugged another can of mountain dew.

"Yes, it is an ingenious idea." Himizu agreed. "Soon we shall put it into action. The nights who say ni are on their way to kidnap our victims now. Soon all of the best anime characters shall be at our mercy. We shall drive them all insane one by one."

"Oh, can I join, I always love forcing people to do my will." Ryouko grinned evilly at the thought. The two other soon to be dictators nodded and began making final planes for their insidious plot. Risu shouted and a man dressed in armor came into the room. The man stood before them with a rubber chicken in his hand.

"What is it that you wish from the nights who say Ni." The armor clad man asked.

"Bring the contestants." Hinizu commanded.

All hail the holy duck! All hail the holy duck! All hail the holy duck! All hail the holy duck!

42 people kidnapped from several series of anime and manga were seated at desks. The desks were arranged in 6 rows of 7. A loud ear splitting bell sounded through the room. All 42 anime characters jumped at the sound.

"What the hell!" Inu Yasha growled. The white haired half demon pulled and clawed at a collar that was wrapped around his neck. The collar was crimson red with the white words Inu Yasha written on it.

"Where the hell are we?" Naruto shouted.

"Shut you trap you poor excuse for a half demon." Risu shouted as she, Himizu, and Ryouko entered the room.

"Hey" Inu Yasha shouted.

"Not you Inu, the blond baka!" Risu shouted back and pointed at Naruto. "Now all of you shut your pie holes or I will be forced to plant you in a garden."

"What are you talking about?" Nauto shouted and stood up.

"Sit down and be quiet vixen!" Risu screamed and threw a floppy disk at Naruto's head.

Ryouko tapped Risu on the shoulder. "Why did you sue a floppy? They are so out dated, and CDs so more damage."

"Don't encourage her to kill them before they play the game." Himizu said franticly taking the sharp CD from her homicidal friends. "Now let's explain the game."

The two nodded in agreement then the three girls walked to the front of the class room. "Alright, welcome to "Stay sane" the exciting game that pits the mind against obstacles and situations that test the minds sanity." Risu explained as she moved to the chalk board. "You will be set off on this island that we are on. From then on out your main objective should be to stay sane. The last person left sane will be the winner."

"As you can see form the diagram Risu has drawn on the board. . ." Ryouko said as Risu stepped aside to show her drawing. On the board was a drawing of a duck roundhouse kicking a chicken. Naruto opened his mouth to complain but Ryouko threw a head of cabbage and hit him in the head. "No talking until we are done. Now then there is no escape form this island. Teleportation techniques will not work. If you are thinking of maybe flight of swimming or a boat. Think again loser. The waters are guarded by attack dolphins. The sky's are patrolled by dragons. The island is filed with many crazy and bizarre creatures. Don't worry to much, they won't kill you. Himizu will tell you the rest."

"Okay people, here are the rules about your sanity and the game in general. First, those collars around your necks gage your sanity. If you reach a set amount of insanity you will be taken out of the game. When you leave this room you will be given a bag with provisions for survival and one item that will help you drive your opponent insane. If someone dose not go insane everyday you will all be beaten to death with rubber chickens. Lastly, we three will be roaming the island. If we find you you can bet we will try to drive you crazy."

"In this game friends, I'm sorry to say all soon become liabilities, trust fragile, and sanity. . ." Ryuoku paused and stared at the 42 contestants. " becomes even more fragile."

"Now, any questions?" Risu asked with a kind smile.

Mnata raised his hand and Risu motioned for him to ask his question. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because we feel like it." Himizu answered.

"Is that really an exceptionable answer?" Manta asked.

"All the answers you need are on this." Risu said as she placed a CD onto his desk.

"What is on it?" Manta asked.

"Chuck Norris jokes." Risu replied.

"Can't you just read those on line?" Manta asked.

"Yes but this also has the basics of the words and teachings of the holy duck." Risu smiled proudly.

"Is that why you drew a picture of a duck roundhouse kicking a chicken?" Manta asked.

"How dare you insult my art!" Risu shouted and hit Manta in the head with a globe. "That's a chicken being roundhouse kicked by a duck, not a duck roundhouse kicking a chicken."

"What's the difference?" Manta asked distressed.

" The difference is the NASCAR drivers." Risu said. Manta got more frantic. Suddenly Risu stopped and looked at her Naurto arm band. " Well well well. Our first victim has been claimed." With that Manta dissapeared "That is what happens when you are driven insane."

"Now lets get you your supplies and start the game." Himizu said with a disturbing grin.

"We shall call you up in alphabetical order by name and anime."Ryouko announced "Now be quiet. pulled out a chainsaw "Or there'll be concaquices." All occupants of the room fell quiet as Hinizu pulled out a list of names.

For ten minuets Himizu called names and people came up to get their bags of provisions. Every thing went fine until Himizu called the first name off the Naruto list. "Gaara." she called as soon as she realized what she had said she ducked under the main teacher desk.

"Are you that afraid of him?" Sakura asked.

"Not him, them." Himizu said jabbing her finger at Risu and Ryouko who were drooling and staring at Gaara.

"Why would you be afraid of them?"Sakura's question was answered by to streaking form accompanied my shrieks of Gaara-sama. The two teenage girls glopped onto Gaara with vice grips.

" Don't worry Gaara, the jaws of life are on the way." Hinizu Shouted as she jumped up from under the desk with a squirrel and a wolf. Immediately the two crazy teens turned, ran t words Himizu, and grabbed the animals. "Quickly Gaara, grab your bag and run!" The sand nin, very disturbed by what just happened grabbed his bag and ran. "And be careful, they will be looking for you." Himizu called after him. "Kiba, Heie, come get you bags as well before their attention is diverted and they set their sights on you." The Inuzuka and three eyed demon swiftly stood up, raced to the front of the room grabbed their bags and ran as if the two teens were chasing them. For the next half hour names were called, people came and got their bag, then walked out to the class room. It all went smoothly except for Risu, who smacked Sasuke and called him evil, and hit Naurto saying she would kill him.

When all the names had been called and all the contestants had left Risu, Ryouko, and Himizu sating the empty room. Himizu sat in the chair at the desk, Ryouko sat on the desk, and Risu stood at the chalk bored drawing.

"Well that was fun." Ryouko smiled with delight. "But I'm thirsty. Pengin." Ryouko called and claped her hands.

A teenager with red hair and wearing a tuxedo waddled into the room. Pengin held a tray with three cans of Mountain Dew. The girls grabbed a can each.

"Things are about to get a lot more fun." Risu said as the three tapped their glasses together.

"Now lets play some Nuclear Holocaust.: Ryouko shouted and the other two cheered in agreement.

And so the game begin.

A/N:Well there is the first chapter. Like what you see?Don't like what you see? Are you interested in seeing more? Please say yes to the last one. It gets better, way better. Press that little button down their that lets you review and review. Please no flames, I mean like really bad flames, I am okay with matches but no flamethrowers. While you are reviewing guess who will be kicked off next. Guess who will win. Guess if Pengin is a man or woman. I'm serious about that last one.

Contestans left

Inu Yasha: Fluffy, Inu Yasha, Jaken, Kagome, Miroku, Shippo, Sango

Naruto:Gaara, Hinata, Ino, Jirya, Kakashi, Kiba, Lee, Naruto, Neji, Orochimaru, Sakura, Sasuke, Shika,Temari, Tenten

Prince of Tennis:Akira, Eiji, Momo, Ryoma, Sakuno

Yu Yu Hakisho:Boton, Genkai, Heie, Kuabara, Kurama, Yusuka

Rave Master:Ellie, Griff, Haru, Misica

Vampire game:Duzzie, Ishtar

Shaman King:Anna, Yoh

People knocked out:

Manta


	2. Shotgun

A/N:Alright so this is a short chapter but when I wrote it I was high on caffeine and it is good. It has almost no point and part of it is stolen from a friend's fic, it's alright Himizu said I could use it. So I don't own any of these characters beside myself and that is about it. Himizu owns herself and Ryouko owns herself as well. The rest of the characters are not mine, although I wish to own them...if only that person hadn't snipped me on e'Bay Sigh .

Chapter 2

A confused group made of Girff, Jaken, Shippo, and Kuwabara walked through the woods. The game had started and all four of them were on edge.

"Hey, look ahead. A house," Shippo called pointing. Ahead of them was a small house.

"Let's check it out." The four ran to the house but found the door was locked.

"Let us be polite." Griff said as he rang the door bell.

"Don't do that. What if those crazy people are in there?" Jaken shivered at the thought. His nightmare was realized when Risu opened the door.

"You can't come in if you don't know the answer to my question." Risu paused as dramatic music played in the back ground. "When I say shotgun you say. . .?" 

"Um. . . Homicide?" Jaken said.

"Death," Shippo answered. 

"Murder," Griff said. 

"Killing." Kuwabara.

"No," Risu shouted. "You are all psychotic Easter bunnies disguised as Jehovah's Witnesses." The four anime characters were speechless. 

"When I say shotgun you say. . . ?" Risu asked again. 

Out of nowhere Himizu popped out from between the four confused people/demons/ whatever Griff is. "Wedding!" she shouted. The two crazy females then launched into singing Panic! At the Disco's "Time to dance". The four contestants stared in awe. 

When Risu and Himizu reached the chorus Risu sang, off key, "When I say shotgun you say...?" Risu then pulled out a shotgun. 

"Wedding." the four shouted. 

"Good, now what's your favorite sport?" Risu asked lowering the shotgun. 

"Rock, paper, scissors," Shippo shouted. 

"Simon says," Kuwabara answered 

"Chutes and ladders," Griff said. 

"What a stupid question, I have no time for games," Jaken scoffed. 

"Wrong!"Risu shouted as Himizu shot hockey pucks at the four. 

"It's hockey," Himizu said and laughed maniacally. 

"Who's your favorite hockey team?" Risu asked with a murderous grin. 

"The Detroit Red Wings," they all replied. 

"The enemy!" Himizu exclaimed and commenced hitting each of the contestants in the head with a hockey stick. Seconds later the four puffed away. 

"Well four more down." Risu said. 

"What are you two doing?" Ryouko asked with a questioning look. 

"We are playing the game," Himizu answered. 

"Well CSI is about to come on." Ryouko said sipping from the glass of Mountain Dew in her hand. Himizu and Risu dashed into the house and sat on a fluffy couch, turned up the volume, and stared at the screen as Grissom said his witty one liner followed by the sound of  
The Who.

End Chapter 2.

A/N:Alright so two chapters down. As soon as chapter three is edited by the crazy otter I will have it up. You will like it. It is one of my fav chapters so far. So press the button down below and review alright. Good.

Contestants left:

Inu Yasha:

Inu Yasha

Miroku

ShippoX

JakenX

Fluffy

Songo

Kagome

Naruto:

Orochimaru

Naruto

Sasuke

Kiba

Lee

Neji

Shika

Gaara

Kakashi

Jirya

Sakura

Hinata

Tenten

Ino

Temari

Prince of Tennis:

Ryoma

Eiji

Momo

Akira

Sakuno

Yu Yu Hakisho:

Kurama

KuwabaraX

Heie

Yusuka

Genkai

Boton

Rave Master:

GriffX

Haru

Musica

Ellie

Vampire Game:

Duzzie

Ishtar

Shaman King:

Yoh

MantaX

Anna

X means they are gone from the game


	3. coconut

A/N:Alright so here is chapter 3. The anime characters belong to their makers. Ryouko belongs to Ryouko, Himizu belongs to Himizu, I belong to myself, and Pengin belongs to the three of us.

Chapter 3

Hiei sat in a tall observation tower in the middle of a forest. The sound of hooves broke through the silence as Gaara approached the tower. "How'd you get here?" Hiei asked.

"I rode," Gaara replied

"On what, a horse?" Hiei said with a disbelieving voice.

"Yes a horse," Gaara said.

"No you haven't," Hiei stated. "You have two halves of a coconut and you're banging them together."

"So?" Gaara said.

"Where'd you get coconuts?" Hiei asked.

"I found them," Gaara replied.

"Found them? Coconuts are a tropical plant." Hiei said.

"So, the swallow may fly south for the winter yet it is not a stranger to out land," Gaara replied.

"Are you suggesting that coconuts are migratory?" Hiei asked.

"Not at all. It could be carried," Gaara replied.

"What? A swallow carry a coconut?" Hiei asked.

"It could grip it by the husk," Gaara replied getting aggravated.

"It's not a question of where he grips it." Hiei said as if it was obvious. "Listen, in order for a swallow to maintain air speed velocity, it must beat its wings 52 times a minute. Therefore it would be impossible for a 6 oz swallow to carry a 3 pound coconut."

"What about an African swallow?" Gaara said. "Although African swallows are non migrating."

"An African swallow, yes, but not an European swallow." Hiei said.

"What if two swallows carried it together?" Gaara said.

"What? On some kind of line?" Hiei replied.

"Yeah, they could make it out of a strip of tree bark." Gaara said.

"What? Held under the dorsal feather?" Hiei said.

Out of nowhere Himizu pushed Hiei off the tower and he fell beside Gaara. She jumped up and down in the tower ranting about Monty Python. She began tossing balloons filled with a liquid made of eggs, tarter sauce, and old mayo. Gaara protected himself with his sand but Hiei was left scrambling to avoid the projectiles.

Hiei grabbed the two coconut halves Gaara had been using and clapped them together as he ran away.

"How dare you steal my steed!" Gaara shouted running after Hiei.

Himizu ceased her relentless assault and looked over to the fleeting figures of Hiei and Gaara. "Well time to do my good deed of the day." She then jumped off the tower and landed on two feet at the bottom of the tower. "Let the hunt begin." A large group of otters appeared and Himizu and the otters ran off after the two hot anime/manga characters.

At a nearby stream Gaara caught up with Hiei and shouted at him. "Give me back Buttnut."

Hiei just stared at hum for a moment then shouted. "You named the coconut halves?"

"No I named my horse," Gaara said.

"Why are you still here? You are clearly insane," Hiei retorted.

Suddenly Himizu emerged from the forest. She was wearing a kilt, Scottish hat, and shirt, and had a red beard. Her right fist was raised out before her as she stiffly walked out of the forest.

The two men stared at her until she shouted out. "It is time for tennis." Out of nowhere Himizu pulled out a tennis racket and a tennis court appeared. On the other side of the court stood a pink gelatin mold-like creature also holding a tennis racket. As they played, it became apparent Himizu could not play tennis. The pink alien would hit the ball one way and Himizu would dive in the opposite direction.

"What is that thing?" Hiei asked.

"It's a blancmange. It has changed everyone into Scotsmen." Himizu said.

"Why?" Gaara asked.

Pengin appeared holding out a tray with a squirrel wearing a lab coat. "They mean to win Wimbledon," the squirrel said and Pengin left with the squirrel.

"I was just walking through my field of poppies and out of nowhere I all of a sudden turned into a Scotsman." Himizu began to rant. "So I began marching towards Scotland and when I got there, I didn't know what to do. Then I noticed a flier at my feet and it was for Wimbledon. That's when I realized the blancmanges' evil plan. So I entered Wimbledon to defeat the blancmanges, but I suck at tennis. Then I realized I couldn't beat the blancmange, so I had to eat it. I ran to the other side of the court with a spoon and began eating my opponent." Himizu stopped and took a deep breath. "It tasted a lot like chicken with a sheep's blood sauce. It was actually very tasty. So I'm eating my opponent but the ref is  
trying to stop me but i just slapped him in the head with a roll of duck tape. Well that knocked him unconscious while I was still eating Ben the blancmange. He's letting out a high pitched scream as  
I'm eating his internal. . . organs. . . substance... whatever you call that caramel stuff inside him. So I finished eating him but I still have to win the match so I start playing myself. It took me 36 years to complete the match but by the end I was the first Scotsman to win Wimbledon. At least I had better luck than Fred. After he got an order for 5,000 kilts to be sent to Andromeda, his wife was eaten by Carl, the cannibal who dresses up like a blancmange and eats people."

"Wait." Hiei said. "Ben the blancmange is right over there." Hiei pointed to the blancmange on the court.

"Oh, that's Kenny, my fitness instructor." Himizu said.

Hiei began running around in a circles screaming about a snake with a medical science degree, until the snake put all his money into stocks and the company went bankrupt and the snake became a bum. After about five minuets of Hiei's rant he disappeared.

Himizu turned to Gaara whose eye was twitching. "How about we reenact the video from "Voices" by Disturbed?" Himizu grinned evilly.

Gaara smiled back with a glint in his eyes that screamed crazy. He formed a little rubber duck out of his sand and sang "Rubber ducky you're the one, Rubber ducky." He was cut off when he poofed away.

"Well that's that." Himizu said.

with Risu and Ryouko.

The two crazy teens sat at a table playing Uno and making the card game into a contact sport. When the two anime hotties poofed into the room, the girls stopped playing and ran over to  
the men.

They grabbed the two males and brought them over to the table. "Play," they demanded and the two crazy teens held Gaara and Hiei captive while they forced them to play Uno.

end chapter 3

A/N: Well there is chapter 3. Yay for crazy. As soon as I type up and edit the 4th chapter you can all read it. The crazy will continue soon enough, in the mean time visit Himizu's fics to get your dose of mind numbing confusion.

Contestants left:

Inu Yasha:

Inu Yasha

Miroku

ShippoX

JakenX

Fluffy

Songo

Kagome

Naruto:

Orochimaru

Naruto

Sasuke

Kiba

Lee

Neji

Shika

GaaraX

Kakashi

Jirya

Sakura

Hinata

Tenten

Ino

Temari

Prince of Tennis:

Ryoma

Eiji

Momo

Akira

Sakuno

Yu Yu Hakisho:

Kurama

KuwabaraX

HeieX

Yusuka

Genkai

Boton

Rave Master:

GriffX

Haru

Musica

Ellie

Vampire Game:

Duzzie

Ishtar

Shaman King:

Yoh

MantaX

Anna

X means they are gone from the game


	4. the Akamaru sketch

A/N: Alright so it took me some time but I finally got around to posting this.

Chapter 4

The sun began to rise over MD island. Contestants of the sanity game were startled awake by a loud PA system.

"Welcome to day two," the loud voices of Ryouko, Himizu, and Risu belted from the speakers. "The lucky 38 of you that are left get to play the game for another day."

Ryouko's voice alone came over the system. "Yesterday Risu and Himizu eliminated Kuwabara, Shippo, Griff, and Jaken. Later in the day Himizu drove Gaara and Hiei insane all on her own. For today we warn you to stay out of the cannibal forest region, not because we will be there but Hannibal Lecter will. That is all for now, so all of you get back to whitling wooden octopuses."

Kiba sat in an open field and sighed. He had spent most of yesterday running from the crazy teens. Now with Hiei and Gaara already out of the game, Risu would target him. The Inuzuka was already irritated when he found a dead dog in his bag. The dog boy stood up and walked into the woods. After walking for several minuets he came upon a small building. A sign on the roof said Bobaganoosh Pet Shop. Kiba walked into the store.

He walked up to the counter and rang a small bell. The person behind the counter turned around to reveal it was Pengin. "How may I help you Miss?"

Kiba gave Pengin a questioning look and said, "I got this dog from those crazy people but it's dead."

"No, no he's just sleeping." Pengin said.

"Sleeping? It's dead." Kiba replied.

"He's just sleeping. Thoroughbred mutt, silky fur," Pengin said with a wide smile.

"It's not about the fur, the bloody dog's gone to the park above." Kiba growled.

"It's just sleeping," Pengin interjected.

"No, it's not," Kiba replied as he began beating the dead dog against the counter. "Hello doggy," Kiba shouted into it's ear. He then tossed it toward the ground and it hit with a dull thud. Kiba then turned back to Pengin after picking the dog back up and putting it on the counter.

"You stunned it." Pengin said. "Mutts scare easily, purebred mutt, silky fur."

"This dog is no more." Kiba said getting irritated. "It has gone to meet it's maker and howl with the chorus. It's pushing up daises. This is an ex-puppy." Kiba growled.

"Oh, why didn't you say so. I'll get you another one." Pengin said.

"Bloody salespeople, you've got to complain until you're blue in the face to get anything done," Kiba muttered.

"Sorry, fresh out of Akamarus," Pengin said. "I do have a snail."

"Can it fight?" Kiba asked.

"No," Pengin replied.

"Then it's scarcely a replacement, " Kiba said.

"No," Pengin admitted. "I do have a cactus. You could throw it at  
an opponent, or I have a sheep who thinks he's a bird."

Kiba just stared at Pengin blankly. Less than a second later he poofed away. Pengin stood behind the counter and sighed. "Let's go back to the girls, Akamaru." Akamaru jumped up off the floor and onto Pengin's head. The two then left the store and headed to the  
beach.

End Chapter 4

A/N:Alright I'll try not to take to long with typing up chapter 5.

Contestants left

Inu Yasha:

Inu Yasha

Miroku

ShippoX

JakenX

Fluffy

Songo

Kagome

Naruto:

Orochimaru

Naruto

Sasuke

KibaX

Lee

Neji

Shika

GaaraX

Kakashi

Jirya

Sakura

Hinata

Tenten

Ino

Temari

Prince of Tennis

Ryoma

Eiji

Momo

Akira

Sakuno

Yu Yu Hakisho:

KuwabaraX

HeieX

Yusuka

Genkai

Boton

Rave Master

GriffX

Haru

Musica

Ellie

Vampire Game:

Duzzie

Ishtar

Shaman King:

Yoh

MantaX

Anna

X means they are gone from the game.


	5. The whitch scene

A/N:Alright so it took me some time but I finally got around to typing this up. I had to look up what happened during the witch scene in the Holy Grail.

Kagome walked down a path in the woods. She was completely lost and confused. Out of nowhere a mob that looked to be made of peasants ran down the path toward her. The mob surrounded her and put a witch hat and fake nose on her. They grabbed her and dragged her to a large platform where a wolf sat, releasing a swallow with a coconut attached to it. The mob approached the platform chanting 'witch'.

"What is it?" the wolf asked.

"We found a witch," a peasant, we'll call him Fred, replied, sending the mob into another chorus of 'witch'.

"A witch?" the wolf asked.

"Yeah, right here," Fred said as the mob pushed Kagome partially up the platform's stairs.

"I'm not a witch," Kagome said. "They dressed me up like this," she asserted. "This isn't even my real nose. It's a false one."

The wolf lifted up the nose then put it back into place. "Is this true?" he asked.

The mob shouted no' which slowly faded to an a bit'.

"Well we did do the hat, and the nose, but she had black hair," Fred said. "She's a witch." The mod whipped into another round of witch'.

"What makes you think she is a witch?" the wolf asked.

"Well, she turned me into a newt," Ted said.

The wolf looked around. "A newt?" the wolf asked not believing the man.

Ted looked a bit embarrassed. "I got better," he said quietly.

Fred then spoke up. "Burn her anyway," he shouted and the mob roared out a series of burn'.

"Well we can find out if she is a witch with logic," the wolf said. "Now, what do you do with witches?" the wolf asked.

"Burn em," Fred yelled and the mob echoed.

"And what else do you burn?" the wolf asked.

"More witches," Fred said and then the mob echoed.

"Besides witches," the wolf said.

The crowd thought really hard then Ted said, "Wood."

The wolf nodded. "So why do witches burn?" the wolf asked. The mob paused. A quiet person in the back spoke up nervously. "B…because they're made of wood?" the person guessed.

"Good," the wolf said. "So, how do we tell if she's made of wood?" the wolf asked.

Fred spoke up. "Build a bridge out of her," he said.

"Ah, but can you not also make a bridge out of stone?" the wolf said. The mob agreed. "Does wood sink in water?" the wolf asked.

Ted spoke up. "No, no it floats. It floats," he said.

"Throw her in the pond," Came a shout from the back of the mob. The mob echoed.

The wolf signaled and they all fell silent. "What also floats in water?" the wolf asked.

The crowd started to shout out answers. Several were bread' apples' very small rocks' 'churches' and 'cider'. The wolf just shook his head no to each one. It was then that the answer was heard. "A duck," came a voice. They all turned to see Kakashi.

"Exactly." The wolf said. "So, logically…" He then waited for the mob to fill in the blank part.

Ted started to put it together. "If...she… weights…the same as a duck,…she's made of wood," he said.

"And therefore?" the wolf prompted. They were so close to the full answer. The mob then started to cry 'witch' over and over and over. They then pulled Kagome away from the platform. "Very good. You can use my largest scales." The wolf said as the mob moved away with Kagome.

With Kagome

The mob moved Kagome to the large scales and sat her down on one side. A duck with a shimming aura walked up to the scales and placed Plue onto the other side.

"What? That isn't a duck. The thing that put it in is a duck." Kagome said.

"Quiet, witch," the holy duck said with a frown. "Remove the supports."

Two peasants took large hammers and removed the supports from under the the scales. The scale swayed and settled with both sides even.

Kagome's eye twitched and she said, "It's a fair cop." She then poofed away.

With Kakashi

The wolf stood before Kakashi. "Who the hell are you?" it asked.

"I am Kikashi," the copy cat ninja replied taking out his Itchi Itchi Paradice book and began to read.

The wolf growled and said, "That book is banned in 63 states and 47 bee colonies. By reading it you must be destroyed. Bert assemble the troops." A swallow with a coconut tied to it flew in, followed by hundreds of other swallows with coconuts. The swallows dived at Kakashi and the perverted nin turned and ran. After several minuets of running and being hit in the head with coconuts, Kakashi poofed away.

At crazy place

Kakashi poofed into the lair of the crazy females. As soon as he appeared he was hit in the head with a large mallet. "Damn you pervert," Himizu said. "I lost 50 bucks on you. I bet Risu and Ryouko that you would be the last one standing." The angry caffeine high otter said. Risu and Ryouko sat to the side eating popcorn watching the show. For the next 16 hours Himizu chased Kakashi around with her mallet.

End chapter 5

A/N: Alright so I will have the full weekend to type up the other chapters. I have just been lazy, but I am working on chapter 14.

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	6. grannie gangs

A/N:Alright so this is chapter 6. I'm so happy that I got this finished. I want to give a extra shout out to Himizu for this chapter because she helped me find the military fairy dance that they do.

* * *

Yusuke walked down the road of an abandoned town. He looked about unsure of what to do. He had just let his guard down when a tiger-colored wolf appeared at his side. "It's a tragic thing," the creature said.

Yusuke, who hadn't realized the wolf was there, jumped 5 feet into the air. "What the hell are you talking about?" he asked a moment later.

"Why the granny gangs of course," the wolf replied. "You should be careful. It starts with crochet and then turns into tea and the next thing you know they are staying up past 5," the wolf sighed and started to walk away.

Yusuke sat still confused. "What the F-bleep-?" he said, standing up. He righted himself just in time for an umbrella handle to hook around his ankle and in a swift motion bring him crashing to the ground. He looked up to see a group of grannies standing around him. His jaw dropped when he realized one of them was Genkai. They walked away snickering in high pitched voices. Yusuke got to his feet once more, but fell to the ground again when he was surprised by the tiger wolf's reappearance.

"I told you so," The wolf said in a bored voice. "At least they aren't as bad as the baby snatchers. They attacked my sister, Ann the adder, once. One moment her husband, Ted the toad, was outside the store and the next he was gone." The wolf then left again, shaking its head.

Before Yusuke could get up, four men dressed in dippers and baby bonnets ran up to him. Each one grabbed a limb and started to carry him off. They dropped him off in the middle of a road and raced off.

Yusuka was about to get up again when he noticed the tiger wolf. "What is it this time? Flesh eating chickens?" he asked aggravated.

"No, the flesh eating chickens are on the other side of the island. I just wanted to warn you about the gangs of keep left sighs," the wolf said before walking away.

"Wait aren't keep left signs only in England?" He then looked to his sides where 2 keep left signs stood. He groaned and then felt plastic smack into him. He looked up to find the keep left signs attacking him. "What is going on here?" he shouted.

Graham Chapman , wearing a military uniform, then walked out into the street. "That's enough, this is too silly," he said with a frown.

"Finally someone who makes sense," Yusuke sighed.

"Lets see some military drills." Graham Chapman said and then a unit of solders appeared in the middle of the street and started to chant:

Oooh get her! Whoops!

I've got your number ducky.

You couldn't afford me, dear. Two three.

I'd scratch your eyes out.

Don't come the brigadier bit with us, dear,

We all know where you've been, you military fairy!

Whoops, don't look now girls,

The major's just minced in

With that dolly colour sergeant,

Two, three, ooh-ho!

Graham Chapman then appeared again. "Stop, that's too silly…and a bit suspect I think…" He said a bit uneasy.

The tiger wolf appeared once more. "Who let you out of the closet?" the tiger wolf asked. Graham looked at the creature, turned around, and started running. The wolf took after him and the keep left signs returned to attacking Yusuke. A poof was heard and the keep left signs looked about. Their victim was gone so they returned to their spots on the sides of the road, guiding traffic the wrong way.

End

* * *

A/N: For those of you that are actually still reading my incomprehensible story you won't have to wait very long for the next chapter. I already have them all typed out to chapter 10 and I have 14 chapters written out.

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	7. Awkward Turtle

A/N: Well here we are. Chapter 7. You get to meet a new friend and teammate. Now on to the crazy stuff.

* * *

Jiraiya walked through the thin forest. He had made it through the first day but he didn't know how much longer he could last. The sun was going to set in a few hours and he wanted to find shelter. He noticed a small building ahead and smiled as he noticed the words 'hot spring' written on a sign. A high-pitched giggle drifted over the fence around the girl's spring. A perverted grin spread over his face as he started to walk to the fence. He looked about for a peep hole but could find none. A scream broke through the air causing Jiraiya to fall forward in surprise, taking the fence with him as he fell into it. He stared in surprise at the scene before him. Kitsune stood beside the hot spring while Lee splashed about in hot water screaming about how it burned. "Who are you?" Jiraiya asked, not having seen Kitsune before. 

"I am Kitsune," the girl said striking a pose. For a second she had fox ears and tail, but they were gone a second later.

"Never heard of you," Jiraiya said staring at her. Kitsune looked about. She made a symbol with her hands placing one hand over her other with her thumbs pointed  
out. "Awkward turtle."

"What?" Jiraiya asked confused.

"I said awkward turtle," she shouted as she grabbed Lee and threw him at Jiraiya. Lee hit Jiraiya then went flying and extra 10 feet.

Out of nowhere Risu jumped out of a bush and smiled evilly at Lee. The psychotic squirrel raised an electrical hair shaver. "Your eyebrows are dead meat," Risu screamed as she jumped at Lee. The nin jumped out of the way.

Lee took off running crying and repeating, "But they are the eyebrows of youth."

Jiraiya looked back to Kitsune. The girl made another sign with her hands. She put one hand on the other and stuck out her thumb and pinky finger away from her hands. "Super awkward turtle." She said. Jiraiya looked at her blankly. After a few minuets Kitsune changed the sign again. She put one fist facing perpendicular to the ground and the other hand flat and parallel to her other hand to look like a flag on a pole. "Awkward flag pole," she said. Jiraiya wondered how they went from turtle to flag pole. A few more minutes passed and the sign was changed again. She took out the thumb and pinky of the flag hand on the flag pole. "Awkward turtle on a flag pole." She said looking straight at the perverted sage. They continued their staring match or a few minutes before the sign  
changed again. The thumb, pointer finger, ring finger and pinky finger all stuck out. "Super awkward turtle on a flag pole," she said with an awkward laugh. Jiraiya opened his mouth as if to speak but instead disappeared. Kitsune brushed the dirt off her shoulder  
and popped her collar. "Don't mess with the fox, biotch," she said as she smirked.

"Nooooooo!" The cry of Lee filled the air as the tijutsu master ran with a demonic squirrel behind him, hair shaver still in hand.

* * *

End 

A/N: So now one more pervert gone from the game. As soon as I finish up the chapter 8 totally I will post it.

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	8. Caffiene

A/N: Alright so here is chapter 8 like I promised. If you don't think I'm nuts by now this chapter will convince you. Even my crazy friends don't understand how I came up with some of this stuff.

Botan was skipping through a field happy as could be. The sun had set and she had managed to avoid the crazy things that lived on the island for almost two days. Suddenly she was very grateful for the 613 coffees she had had the day before the kidnapping. She walked down a road and came to an intersection. She noticed a solar  
powered traffic light. Facing her was red so she stopped, even though she lacked a car. She was glad she did as Rock Lee ran though the intersection at a high rate of speed. Seconds later, Risu dashed through the intersection holding her electric shavers out like a  
sword. Botan just looked at the retreating figures and shrugged. When her light turned green she walked out into the intersection. She got halfway across before a pimped out trolley car came zooming down the road. It hit Botan sending her flying into the grass. She sat up, unharmed, and pouted. She shook her fist at the direction the pimped trolley had gone. "I had the right of way. Don't make me reap your soul," she shouted.

The bubbly grim reaper sighed and then noticed a town nearby. She squealed and raced to the town. It wasn't the idea of shelter that excited her. No, it was the Tim Horton's she had spotted.

Botan burst though the shop's doors and looked about. It was empty of life and dust covered everything. She jumped behind the counter. The donuts were all covered with mold and so were all of the vegetables. She was surprised to find that the egg salad looked the same, but she had not time for that. The caffeine high was fading, and fast. She started to rummage through the storage area and even checked the machines, but no caffeine could be found. "Nooooo! I need my caffeine," she wailed in defeat. It was  
then that she noticed a sign in the window. She walked over and read it.

Dear dumbasses and Canadians,

We are shutting down this Tim Horton's. After the enslavement of Pengin we can have Pengin make donuts for us. As for the rest of Tim Hortin's services, well coffee sucks and their food scare us. Caffeine will now only be allowed to dictators.  
Evilly yours, your future murderers. 

Botan's eyes went wide. No caffeine, no caffeine. How was she going to live? The blue haired reaper fell to the ground and curled into the fetal position. She started to rant to her  
self. "Now I see why this island has no power and no people. A society can't exist without it. People can't make power without energy and without caffeine you can't have energy. It is all as the caribou said. The mice will play when the dog is at home. But when the dog mauls its owner and is taken away then the mouse must fear the cockroach. Not even Twinkies can kill those bugs. If you think shoes work, you are as dumb as a stoat. You can only hope the cockroaches will start a thousand year civil war and find something  
that can kill them. Then you only have to worry about the sheep. If they eat Tim Horton's egg salad they will be able to fly. Then the only way to get back the purchase orders of Tarock will be to enlist the help of the laser wolves. But there is no guarantee that they  
will not turn on us and give us bad first degree burns after they maul us. Oh no, that crazy one controls them. With laser wolves at their disposal they will be able to conquer Germany. Everyone knows wolves are fluent in German." She kept ranting for another five minuets before she poofed away. 

Crazy hideout

Ryouko, Himizu, and Kitsune stood talking about strategy. "So, wait, our strategy is to not have a strategy right?" Kitsune asked. The other two nodded. Botan then appeared in the center of the room still curled up in a ball on the ground. "Wow, we didn't even have to do anything for that one," Kitsune said.

"The strategy is already working," Himizu declared. Ryouko and Himizu toasted Mountain Dew while Kitsune toasted bread. 

End chapter 8

A/N: With 24 oz. of MD and a study hall with a crazy otter I can come up with any crazy rant…and this chapter is only the first example. Wait till you get to chapter 10 or 11. he he he.

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	9. crazy Sanwhich

A/N: Well here is chapter 9. I just thought that this would make a shred of since. I know that isn't what I'm going for but I mean how could I resist.

Chapter 9

Another day had passed and the sun was rising on the third day. Neji sat near a lake eating some of the rations that had been in his bag. The sound of the PA system kicking on filled the once quiet forest. "Good morning crackpots. We have a small update for you today. 6 people left the island yesterday. That means our crazy count has doubled, yay. Kagome and Kakashi were eliminated by the townspeople of Pythonville and the great swallow army. Pengin eliminated Kiba yesterday all by himself. He's growing up to be a lovely young woman… Risu this is a stupid script," Himizu yelled.

Pengin's voice could be heard in the background. "Risu isn't here, she is chasing Lee," he pointed out.

Himizu returned to the speaker a bit unhappy. "I don't care, she can hear me. Risu this script sucks. I get to write the next one," she said then returned to her formal tone. "Kitsune made her first appearance and defeated Jiraiya. Boton eliminated herself,  
and the grannies got Yusuke. We warn you to check both ways seeing as Risu is chasing Rock Lee at a high rate of speed determined to shave his eyebrows. Kitsune is an added threat now that band is done, so watch out, she is queen high bitch," Himizu said before  
shutting the system off.

Neji shook his head. Lee would be gone as soon as his eyebrows were. He stood up and walked over to the lake's edge. He then took out 16 bottles of shampoo. He then dipped his hair into the water. While his back was turned and he was occupied, Ryouko  
snuck up behind him. She started grabbing his shampoos and replacing them with bottles of condiments. He groped around until he found a bottle. He grabbed it and squirted it onto his hair. He started to lather up what he thought was shampoo, but actually ketchup. He then did the same with the honey, mustard, mayonnaise, and butter(Yes they have that). Once he had finished washing' his hair he stood up smirking. "They can't stop me from having soft silky hair." He said proudly.

"You want to bet?" Ryouko said with a smirk. Neji turned to find her looking at him, mirror in hand.

"Nooooooooooooooooo oo!" Neji screamed when he saw his reflection. His hair was tangled and matted. Bits of the condiments could still be seen. "I…I…I can make this work," he said franticly trying to smooth his hair Ryouko laughed menacingly as he  
ran around. Neji then jumped in the lake scrubbing at his hair. The condiments would not come out and the Hyuuga returned to shore. He plopped down and sighed. As he sat there with Ryouko laughing, two figures ran though the forest. Lee ran past Neji but stopped.

"What has happened to our youthful hair?" he asked in his energetic way.

Neji glared at him. He was then hit in the back of his head. It was Risu and her electric shavers had cut through the tangled mess of the ninja's hair. A large strip of bald scalp now decorated Neji's head. The Hyuuga sat staring blankly at nothing. "I should fix this." Risu said with an devil grin. With a few quick sweeps she had shaved Neji's head. "There all done." She said satisfied. "Now come here Lee." She then started up her high  
speed chase once more. The two zoomed away leaving behind the now hairless Neji.

He sat quietly for a few minutes before jumping up. "I shall join the French football team," he shouted striking a good guy' pose.

Ryouko stared at him as the echoing words of cheese eating surrender monkey' could be heard faintly. Ryouko then stood up and walked over to Neji. She put part of a hamburger but on the ground. "Stand on that," she ordered. The ninja complied and stood  
on the bun. Ryouko then put the top of the bun on Neji's bald head. "There, now you are a crazy sandwich," she said before walking off. Neji stood there for another half hour just muttering about the main branch and now Hinata should be so emo. He then poofed away  
leaving behind nothing but an empty hamburger bun.

End chapter 9

A/N: What fan doesn't love mocking Neji and his long flowing girly hair. I wonder what he would look like bald, and on a sandwhich bun. Now that would be interesting. Till next time I and the next episode.

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	10. Sasgay

A/N:ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Small squirrel with milkshake: Risu can't give you and intro because she can't stop laughing. *sigh* I can't believe he agreed.

~Chapter 10~

Sasuke walked along a river. He narrowly escaped being mauled by Risu for what she called `unforgivable acts'. She had vowed to get him later but he was safe until Lee lost his eyebrows. The surviving Uchiha stopped to rest. He was fairly certain of his  
sanity.  
Pengin then skipped up behind him. "Hey there, handsome," Pengin said with a girly giggle. "Are you on vampire freaks?" Pengin asked.  
Sasuke looked up at Pengin and smirked. He had to admit Pengin was a hot piece of man meat. "Hey hot stuff," he said with a smirk. "I certainly am. I'm Sasgay." He stood up and turned to Pengin. "Might I ask your name?" he asked.  
"I'm Pengin. It's nice to meet you Sasgay," Pengin said with a half bow half curtsy. "Now tell me what do you do for a living?" Pengin asked.

"I'm a ninja, one of the best," Sasuke replied. "And what is your profession?"

"I'm a slave and punching bag," Pengin replied. "I bet you have a lot of people with crushes on you."

Sasuke smirked. Good, he was into role play and he liked it rough. "Yeah, but not a single one of them is as cute as you." Sasuke shot a devilish smile at Pengin. Pengin blushed and giggled. "Oh stop," Pengin said. "I love your collar. It's so big. Is it to hide hickeys?"

Sasuke smirked. "It's not the only thing big about me." He then paused to pull his collar down a bit. "No, it's to show off hickeys. So do you have someone special?"

Pengin thought. "Nope, most of my friends are girls," he replied.

"Well then I won't beat around the bush," Sasuke said moving closer to Pengin. "You and me should be together when this stupid thing is over."

"Oh, I'd love that," Pengin squealed. "I'll wear my favorite heels and that new purple dress I bought." Pengin started raging.

"You're a cross-dresser? " Sasuke asked confused and surprised.

"No, I'm a woman, yay," Pengin replied as she smiled.

Sasuke was shocked. "But if you are a woman and I'm attracted to you, then I'm straight. I thought I was gay. Oh no, this changes everything. Do I live in the hidden leaf village of Texas? Did my brother kill my clan or was that really just a hot guy with contacts? Do I have any cheese left for a sandwich at home? Am I an avenger or just retarded?" Sasuke started asking himself. After another ten minuets of questions, ending with him wandering what to get for his aunt Sharra and whether that aunt exists, he took one good jump into the river. He never resurfaced but a large bubble rose to the surface. When it popped it made a poof sound.

"Why do all the good men run from me?" Pengin wondered to herself. She then turned and disappeared into the shadows. 

Crazy hide out

Sasuke appeared in the center of the room. Ryouko and Himizu looked at each other then at Sasuke. "Who drove you nuts?" Ryouko asked.

"Pengin did. I though she was a guy." Sasuke said, his eye still twitching. Pengin then entered the room.

"But Pengin is a guy," Himizu said with a sigh. "I blame Risu."

Sasuke looked very confused. "So it's okay that I'm attracted to him?"

"Yeah, whatever," Himizu said as she and Ryouko returned to their Uno game. Sasuke immediately started flirting with Pengin.

End chapter 10

A/N: ha ha…okay I think I can talk now. This is one of my favorite chapters. Let me tell you the concept was simple. Sasuke hits on Pengin and it turned into this. I got a few smacks from my friends for the role play and rough sex part oh and some good laughs from the hot piece of man meat. I mean that is the opposite of Pengin so this is atleast really funny to us. Not to mention I call Sasuke gay, good thing I have a fangirl shelter to protect me and it is stocked with plenty of Gaara and Kiba merchandise and the internet. Till next time, I'll be in hiding.

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End file.
